I breathe you in,

exhale you out,

praises for You on each breath.

You are the compassionate Mother,

a powerful and wise Father,

and I know you more intimately, every moment.

Thou hast cast me into fires and baptized me in holy water ~

in love, sweet ever-giving, everlasting Love.

You gave me two parents, opposites in nature ~

the delusions of Hell have been many,

but, you never gave up on me, leading me along the way.

I have come through to you at last, my only Reality.

My sweet Soma. All I know is You.

You are all there is.

I take each footstep, knowing you more and more.

Your beauty is everywhere and I am speechless,

for your Perfection leaves me in awe.

How could I have been so blind before?

Your Grace is upon me and I am on my knees giving thanks,

oh, Love… your power is all-conquering.

I am your hands and feet, Soma.

Great and glorious God, thy will be done.

I have passed through Hell’s gates

and arrived on the other side of the doors of perception,

I see you clearly everywhere, I hear you, I receive you.

You are the only Mother and Father, that I know now~

The Truth, the Way, the Light.

Void of creation

Beauty for which

every creature under the sun,

catches its breath.

Sweetly, gently…..

With the grace of

light dancing a ballet,

as a lover of love, itself.

Primary Feminine,

divulge your mysteries…

Your daughter waits at your feet,

smiling to you,

as if watching you put on

red lipstick for the first time

did you witness,

my lips move in unison with yours?

Unconscious of myself,

I was born to walk in your footsteps.

Sweet Mother,

I welcome you with love,

fresh and innocent as the very spirit of Spring!

Loving your power and your many charms,

for all of creation

begins

with

you.

http://lush4life.wordpress.com/art

The moon was dark and new when I REALIZED all …

I walked to the other side of myself and saw.

I stretch my arms and say, “AHHHHH….!”

Now I know… turning, looking….

..smiling with the miracle of,

such tender love, the journey I’ve just come from….

Before and after…. human and god….

masks of sacrifice and poetic embrace,

dark and light…

we sleepless expressions,

angles of light, split like prisms into our many colors

angels of beauty and terror -

Grinding against, like lovers))

cut with your whispers,

in the night of my illusion.

I am free.

I see at last.

Sweet, sweet love….

what a beautiful world we live in.

Realized in the stillness….

There are no limitations,

except that of perception.

RELEASE that which is false, with love!

Everything is energy…

God is everywhere… everywhere!

our Nature is of Ecstatic Joy and tremendous Love

reaching everywhere, everywhere!

through grasses and rivulets of water snaking through dry country

through giraffes in Africa and moles in West Virginia,

…and every song sung by every bird, man, or wolf!

through the bums stinking down on the square and through you and me!

through every living, breathing plant, animal, and creature,

…. even the moss!

We are so blessed….. we are, we are…

we are one blessed GREAT *cosmic* THING!

Blanket of light, fingers and eyes of God… shed your skin, small identity.

I saw you in the silence and cried for your sweet pains and yearnings….

what a distance, my Love.

My sweet sweet love…. nothing will ever be the same again.

(Love yourself, just for taking the journey.)

For here I am, as ever….

Beloved…. you are, we are.

So very loved…

(thou art, {{be-comingcuming}} a Clarified expression. thou art.)

whispering in the candlelight,

by the windowsill aglow with the elements,

gazing past water glasses full of crystals and moonbeams

“Illuminate my heart.”

I did not beg to be broken again because, I knew it to be accomplished….

This time, I asked to be remade.

All that I ever knew, or thought I was… no more… no more….

…cycles of creation, cycles of destruction…

“Let me be transformed. Make all that I am, yours…”

I repeated the names of God and breathed infinity,

relinquishing myself, as ever.

I felt my humanity slip away,

the colors came in, like a dragon’s breath -

burning away the mundane to reveal hidden treasure, until sparks flew

Ah, heart… you stubborn, foolish thing…

gated with steely doors, bolted shut from life’s pain but, at last…

they opened again.

It was a scene that came to my mind,

of great works, of a farm – of a man, clear as  day, I’ve yet to meet

I felt at last, the great beast turn and open, revived… no small miracle.

I saw visions flush with happiness.

People working together, of life growing all around.

Risen from the ash (again and again and again),

I step forth, fresh from cosmic fire like a shiny new arrow.

Blue moonbeams running through my veins,

angels dancing round my bed.

“Guide me. I am ever thine.”

I listen in the twilight of my work day,

alone in the office, and riveted.

Racing the red hawks on my way home,

your voice flew like campfire sparks, igniting my mind.

Kindling rosy daydreams in my heart,

until I am made new, soft as a child ~

sweetened by wild blueberries,

warm under covers on snowy nights.

And when the wind howls like a banshee, pull me in closer,

“You’re safe. I’ve got you.”

Northern lights above, we two, stretched out on the beach

under a pile of wool blankets….

watching the mighty green and gold brothers

drive their chariots across the canvas of night,

racing to hold the hands of a pink fire, dancer in the sky.

My eyes are open, glowing, with a new kind of vigor for life,

as the electricity of you goes racing through my veins.

Oh, happy kindness, gentle soul….

you have already conquered all resistance.

The weather is quickly changing, rolling her heat over

pulling her thick mane of clouds over your house,

fixing her blue-green eyes on you.

Do you feel her in the air?

Shaking with excitement, until your windows rattle?

And dripping with the condensation of her breath,

exhaling words like gifts from a land long forgotten, Dr. Jones

All from pictures drawn, of hot air balloons, of being next to you,

over Niagra Falls and the rarest natural beauties….

wandering the woods happily, as deer do.

But, let me dream of all the qualities that would inspire love…. sweetness, humor, laughter, patience, strength of will, mind, body and spirit. Determination, ingenuity, trustworthiness, loyalty, wisdom, sensitivity, masculinity…. kisses that make my head spin, arms eager to hold and keep me. A body that is firm to touch, eyes that speak in silence (so that I can read the past, present, and future….) and a heart which beats with love unafraid, unashamed – so that I will be brave and feel the spirit of the earth rise within, begging for all of life to exist and flourish, if for only this one, exact, moment.

Let it linger…..

Dancing until we are both breathless with laughter, in the garden gazebo will you find me alluring under the stringed white lights, enough to be overcome? Stop me. Press your lips to mine and like a song that tells a story of romance so true, felt by bards of years past and children future, kiss me. Kiss me with all that lives within you and I shall kiss you back, with the mysterious wellspring of my being. The goddess Aphrodite lives inside me and it is to her I pray – to fill me up with the secrets of beauty and love so that I am ever her vase. That is why the damp heat of you is my Eden, my reason for being. And when you kiss me by the ear, and my neck, my shoulder…. I become passiflora incarnata in the sun, transformed in a moment to be your wild breathless one.

I’m holding you in my heart. Come home to me, my hero…. my dream…. I shall be wandering by the sea shore, writing poems in the sand for you. Trailing my fingers across the damp surface of the beach, as if it were your body, strong and cast in sweet sweat, urgent for the soft curves of me against you. And when the tide comes in, your lips, which I shall kiss to remind me of the wetness of your mouth and the sparkle that never leaves your eyes. See me making garlands of shells? This is for the bower over our bed and with each one I string, I say, “Flower of passion be thine, pure of heart be mine, and in love may we be joined as one.”

Aphrodite, do you hear?

Afterwards, I drove to Sun City.

I realized the terrain reminded me of Ireland, even though southern California is the opposite of Ireland. But, the steep hills, the rolling hills, the rocky hills- now green with rain….. remind me of Ireland. That at least, I can live with. I stopped at Boston Billies in Sun City for a Rueben sandwich with fries to go. It was the real deal- the diner with maroon pleather upholstered booths, the patrons (all in their 80′s), and the Rueben. Fucking great sandwich. Did I mention the place is run by Egyptians?

Then, my main event for Monday- a right on Grosse Point, a left on Allentown and I have time-warped into a dream from the 1950′s where the lamps and couches are, just so. Everything is put in it’s place. The air is calm and easy to breathe. The plush carpet is soft and thick and almost a deep shag and the paintings on the wall are done by Burgus… who I am talking too and towering over by about a foot and a tiny octogenarian named, Louise. We talk, we drink coffee, they teach me the secret signs of a secret society and I agree to be at their next meeting. We eat the cookies I brought and Burgus shows me his wood carvings, which are astonishing. Louise pulls her red Caddy out of the drive and I agree to practice the signs…. since I am not allowed to make notes in writing. I can’t help noting that for how real everything is inside this precious ranch house…. it seems the more frail for it. The well loved porcelain statuettes, the glass globe lamps, the hand made doilies and afghans, the peach and cream satin upholstered mid-century couch….. the brown ducks in the wallpaper over there….. Sanka coffee and rock gardens instead of a lawn….. please never depart this earth. This flourescent light swathed plastic framed Diet Coke microchip airplane vodka tonic bombshell and warplane Walmart self-medicating world!! I need brown ducks in my wallpaper, damn it… never die. (God, I’m homesick.) But, try as we might…… nothing was ever meant to last forever. And nothing ever does and we all know it. It’s what we do with that knowledge that guides the path we take….. some go straight and some go….

Shaking from three cups of coffee, driving in the opposite direction on this stretch of now-known Cali-Ireland with it’s blessing of thick clouds, thinking of alpacas and summer, thinking of friendship and valleys, my grandmother- of the actual probability of my being alone forever, living high up on one of those big mountains way up in the clouds, secret societies, and music….. of what it all means, put together. And I thought of you. (All of you.) I thought of what it all means, to me…..

I am sooo far out…. in the rolling high green hills, the rocky roads, the rolling valleys which will burn with sun in 3 months…… burning with my questions…. my quest. Burning with my loneliness. I press these thoughts to my heart. What shall be? I’ll keep a sweet kiss in my mind and joy behind my eyes instead of tears…. and smile inside, for your sweet presence to be near me. Because I know that in some backwards way, I am actually in the midst of making all my dreams come true. I am surrounded with the bounty of every possibility, fruits of labor, ingenuity… my love, the layers upon layers that line the coat of my soul…. t’is a wonder to be sure, the colors gay, I never tire of running the length of them, every one…. though I do long to love another, one other…. dear, sweet, and true.

trying on different images to inspire the authentic recollection

the thing that it is – virtue.

I thought of Mickey Mouse and Mother Theresa

rescuers of abused dogs, brave children and firemen

It was only when I thought of Romeo and Juliet that I felt it

Pure love, true virtue.

Passionate, all-consuming love…

Virtue is the shadow of this kind of love, hurrying beneath its footsteps

Rushing to please, to surprise, to delight-

I love you like all of life loves the first days of Spring,

headstrong and full of songs for you.

I love you because wherever I look, I see you in someway

To me the world is a bounty from which I shall pull the very best

into my cakes and poems and dresses and lavish you with all.

The trees were talking to me, as the breeze blew.

They said, “I love you.”

And I watched how their beauty poured out through their very bodies-

to be everything to me.

To be the air I breathe.

Dancing to be here, to be near….

Virtuous tree…

I wish to be as sweet and pure and good,

and love others as you do,

with all that you are.

For the sake of being present,

for the sake of giving,

for the sake of love…. sweet virtue.

That I would be this kind of Juliet,

this hopeful lover, ah me……

I watched the trees and knew innocence again.

fast cars from the past guzzling gas like a pirate on an island

with no place to go except the bottom of a bottle-

days run into nights and the nights seem to go on for miles…

long black miles…

and then the aliens.

they made contact last night through my alarm clock.

the light wavered and pulsed, moving like glowing liquid

obscured and redefined (because time is not numbers…)

it is one moment of focus.

riding the waves of light like… like….

a sea lion at night gliding over phosphorescent waters.

“What now?”

Peace, apprehension, run, stay, focus… just for a moment.

Hands pulling, kneading, pushing and grinding my body

Every muscle discovered, I wept in some places, my quiet pains found out

The lotion bottle, my feet touched by a stranger, (that’s twice this week)

caressed…..

The masseur found midnight walks in bad shoes,

One car crash, a rather manic episode near a large dumpster

A backflip gone horribly wrong,

Hours of typing and hours of walking endlessly…..

they lived as memories unwanted in my very body.

She touched them until they cried again and then they were gone.

And now there is all of this lovely space.

Space in the morning, space in the night.

I have time on my hands again……. are you there?

My alarm clock wants to say something. “It’s time.”

It’s time. It’s time….. now what?

Carpet questions.

Coffee…..

And my attention. My Focus. My Awareness.

I am listening to the river.

I am listening to the lights streaming through my mind.

I am seeing green pastures and mountains, high above the water.

I am seeing great happiness. Triumph.

There are foggy areas I cannot see.

Possibilities which are too young and unsure…..

So I’ll sit within my space today and dream.

I will dream up my moments, one by one.

Riding the river of my awareness…. until all is a rainbow and clear again.

Until all the colors are so bright,

I am half blind with ecstasy, hope, elation -

The quiet morning is singing in French and playing the guitar

but, I feel so far away……

as if I’m watching myself sit here in the corner of the room

like a shiny new balloon….

All the colors of the rainbow dancing dreams in my mind,

until all the rest is grey.